You Know You're Going to Need a New Lawyer When...

• During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
• He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
• When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
• He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
• During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
• A prison guard is shaving your head.
• Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
• He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
• He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said..."
• He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
• Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
• Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
• The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
• Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
• He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."